star trippin!

i have a somewhat long and complex relationship with a certain celebrity on twitter who goes by the name of wahlberg...donnie wahlberg, that is...somehow, you see, through some long and twisted and yet totally fabulous turn of events, I have accumulated several (hundreds, maybe a thousand) who like to refer to themselves as blockheads. and noooo...they aren't from the land of charlie brown or whatever in the land where all the adults speak in monotone bwa bwa bwa bwas...they are fans of those singing sensations of the late eighties and early nineties known as "the new kids on the block." ever hear of em? then you've got the right stuff, baby...

anyhoo...after a few rounds of lovely verbal sparring with these blockheaded broads, word of my smartassery apparently got around and soon my tweets caught the eyes of none other than mr. donnie wahlberg himself, of all people...and he started tweeting me on a somewhat regular basis. now being the celebrity whore that i am, this somewhat tickled me (and possibly gave me a hard one on certain occassions) that a mr. hot shot boy bad megastar would tweet such a little ole mouse such as poor whispurr...so needless to say, i was floored when he actually started following me and my crazy tweets.
but i digress...ANYWAY...we've been trading banter back and forth now for about a year and a half now and, for the most part, it's been a most enjoyable and somewhat stimulating experience...you could say (if you'll allow a crazy ole loon to boast a bit) that we're kind of like buddies even. turns out that wahlberg is really a decent guy with a great sense of humor who goes way out of his way to please his fan base. in fact, most of the gazillion blockheads that i know have pictures of themselves with him at various outings. he honestly makes a connection with each and every one of them and seems to know who they are even are. i don't know how the guy does it, but it is truly amazing...and i'm sure it's not a very easy task.


well now it seems that mr. wahlberg, mr. pop star extraordinaire also has this little acting career going and has recently landed the lead in a new televison series over there on that cbs network called "blue bloods." now this really amazes me...i actually know somebody who actually knows me and they have their own network tv gig. way cool, baby! way cool...
i just wanted to boast a little...that's all...carry on...

let's talk about sex...

sometimes...not very often, seeing as to how pure and chaste i am, i do mention things of a certain...er...sexual nature...

yo...wake the fuck up...whispurr needs stimulation...

let's talk balls...

i won't say who the celeb is but he was discussing my balls...

they make testicular implants for dogs? woof!

i just saw the kardasihian sisters having trouble turning off someone's vibrater...yeah...right...

welcome to the beach...come...let's roast a weenie!

@DonnieWahlberg so are we gonna get a nice butt shot on tonight's episode? enquiring minds need to know...

#ihateitwhenpeople talk about #blueballs but i wanna trend them nonetheless...

how can whispurr rouse y'all from yer slumber? a nekkid poetry reading?

i wish @donniewahlberg would come over and feed me cheese in bed...

so tell me...how do we shake this here twitter thingy up a bit??? somebody wanna give lap dances...

may or may not be naked depending upon your level of interest

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr is only mildly orgasmic if you close your eyes and picture taylor lautner...

right now my man candy is like an long drooping twizzler...

come on folks...tweet me tickle me...let's have sex...

beware the danglies...

hello wood lovers...care to peck a tree...

anyone else online right now or shall i just practice the fine art of twitterbation...???

follow me and i just might let you tattoo my caboose...

wake up people...whispurr is not at work and ready to talk and may be forced to have sex with @trendy_searcher if no one else tweets me...

come folks and tweet me...i don't bite...well maybe not...not as a rule...ummm probably sometimes...okay more than sometimes...CHOMP!

ahhhh morning...my cakes are on the grill and just ever so ready for some syrup and slappin!!!

cock-a-doodle-doo! (with the emphasis on the cock of course... )

follow me...but please don't squirt anything on my back unless requested...

tweet me and let me show you how magically delicious gay sex is really supposed to be...

anybody out there this morning? anybody hungry for some fruit loops with maybe a banana in em???

let's see...gaybar checlist...legs waxed...check! the one hair on top of my head spritzed..check! chocolate flavored condoms with sprinkles.

has anyone seen my pants?

tweet me now tweet me long tweet me hard...FASTER FASTER FASTER!!!

wanna peek thru my zipper and see the world like a good sailor?

watch out for flying vaginas...i think they head south this time of year...

welcome to the beach and no that's not a seagull in my pants and yes...i am happy to see you...

i have a lovely set of kumquats all fresh, ripe and lovely for you right here in my pants???

and if you don't have a penis, it's all good...i'll give you time to grow one...

hey you...mr. hotstuff with the big penis...why don't you tweet me more?

 welcome to the whispurr weenie stand...care for some relish?

so i'm brand new to this twitter thing and i need guidance...where do i stick my wee wee?

please tweet only nice clean things to me...i'm such a delicate flower...

walmart, the devil...

some random tweets from the lovely walmart store...

follow me, bitch...i can be your lovely walmart connection...

roll back on this, honey...

i could really fuck this hot young fellow sitting across from me in the walmart break room right now...

welcome to walmart...come...let us frolic in the braziere aisle...

welcome to walmart...where we sell trashiness for less..

welcome to walmart...i don't think a chinese zipper will quite cover my wee wee...

welcome to walmart...we can stick a boot up your ass at very reasonable rollback rates...

they're giving flu shots at our store today...judging by the looks of our customers, they might wanna give penicillion as well...

i'm off from walmart tonight...whatever shall i do...go to target and dance naked down the aisles???

lunch time at walmart...and i'm craving something saucy....

welcome to walmart...please hop on my ass and let me give you the grand tour...

welcome to walmart...please watch for falling boobies...

hello and welcome to walmart...come check out my hardware department...

attention walmart customers...bite my ass in the pants department...bite my ass in the pants department...

hello...i'm whispurr, the official spokesmodel for walmart...check out these gams...

hello walmart customers...what the hell you got stuck up your ass?

attention walmart customers: what the hell is wrong with your minds?

how weird...walmart's grocery aisles are surprisingly low on chinese food...

welcome to walmart...your neighborhood chicken connection...

you know you're working too hard when rolled backed prices give you a woody...

welcome to walmart...your cheese connection...

well hey...whispurr has to go...walmart beckons like a seething dragon made in china...

attention walmart customers, @whispurr is now measuring inseams in the menswear department...

welcome to whispurr's musical ice cream parlor with all kinds of tasty flavors all on a handy carrying stick...

i'm not working at walmart tonight so i guess that means i don't have to be nice...so bite me!!!   

meet the new fishies...

i got a new and bigger aquarium the other day and i've added some new little fishies...lookie!

i drew tonight!

so cool...i haven't drawn anything in like forever but i drew something tonight and i think it's kinda cool...been so long...i need to draw more often...anyhoo...this is what i drew...

i played with the color a little on the computer just for the heck of it...feels soooo good to be drawing again...drawing is my first love...

take care!

what's on my mp3 player???

ahhhh mp3 players...aren't they wonderful littles things??? you can carry your music with you anywhere and life can indeed and finally and at long last become one big splashy musical in which you are the star! you can dance your patootey off in the grocery aisle, you can sing at your dryercleaner...it can make all of your mundane tasks just a little bit less dreary. of course...people will look at you like you're a raging loon but hell...i'm used to that!
no more personal cd players with their big bulkiness and the added weight of carrying a CD pouch! no more music that skips...hell...you can listen to mp3s whilst doing cartwheels if you so desire...why the hell not? life is supposed to be fun and weird and crazy! why do you think the good lord made folks so goofy for anyway!
yes...i know...mp3 players aren't exactly new and they have been around for a while now...but you gotta allow an old geyser like me to catch up a bit...(and so help me if you agree with that statement, you'll get slapped) and gawrsh! just look at these things! they can hold thousands and thousands of songs and yet they can be just so incredibly...
tiny!
what's up with that?
so anyhoo...i'd just kinda like to share with you all what's in my mp3 player right now...some of it's new...a lot of it's old (again...watch the age cracks!) but it is all awesome! I've got everything from abba to green day on it...but that's just me...i'm a whispurr of many moods.

so here goes...take from this what you will...

whispurr's mp3 jams...

ABBA The Album
             The Visitors
BLONDIE Greatest Hits
DAVID BOWIE Diamond Dogs
                             Earthling
                             Hunky Dory
                             Let's Dance
                             Low
                             The Man Who Sold the World
                             The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
FLEETWOOD MAC Mirage
                                     Say You Will
                                     Tango in the Night
                                      Tusk
GREEN DAY 21st Century Breakdown
                        Dookie
                        Insomniac
k.d lang Ingenue
THE KINKS Give the People What They Want
                       Sleepwalker
MADONNA Like a Prayer
MUMFORD AND SONS Sigh No More
THE WHITE STRIPES Elephant
THE WHO Face Dances
                    Odds and Sods
                    Quadrophenia
                    Who Are You?
                    Who's Next

a look at some crazy twitter disclaimers, vol. 1...

DISCLAIMER:

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr is a lot like cotton candy...it's plenty sticky and it gets caught in your teeth...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr messes with yer head but hey...it's a lot cheaper than booze!!!

disclaimer: tweets from whispurr tastes better with melted cheese on them...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr always makes more sense after a few hundred shots of something potent...

disclaimer: for best results, tweet whispurr with your wee wee...if ya don't have one...you dodged a bullet...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr does not fulfill your usda requirements for anything...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr can cause clamminess...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr is hard on the balls...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr can cause odd growth spirts...

disclaimer: not tweeting with whispurr does not make him go away

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr does not make you appear smarter in most circles...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr goes down better with some ky jelly...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr is a lot like having your bra strap snapped...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr is no sign of mental stability...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr does not always end up in an unwanted pregmancy...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr this earlier in the morning goes down better with coffee creamer...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr sometimes smells suspiciously like fish...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr is now 30% bouncier...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr can lead to clammy palms...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr can cause butt rashes...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr smells strangely like swiss cheese...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr may get you arrested

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr is not necessarily good for the booty...

disclaimer: whispurr's tweets have not been sanitized for your protection...

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr is a lot like a darn good slappin!

disclaimer: tweeting with whispurr is ballsy at best...

disclaimer: as always, if you bruise the fruit, you buy it!

check out my new hat!

isn't it just ever so stylish???? muuuuah!!!

it's t.v. time, kids!

ahhhh...and once again, it is time for the new fall television season and my...does that bring back memories...going back to school...the changing of the leaves on the trees...the tv guide fall preview that i used to salivate over when i was a young sexually deprived gay pop culture junkie (as opposed to the almost over the hill, sexually deprived gay pop culture junkie that i am now that reads entertainment weekly...)...memories...

and my...how things have changed now...i'm not in school...i live in myrtle beach, south carolina where the leaves never change color and the fall television season...not quite the big thing it once was...shoot...new television shows start their seasons all year round now....what with the advent of cable and the decline of the television networks...and shoot...does tv guide even exist anymore?

but one thing has stayed the same pretty much...i am still a tv junkie...it's just that most of the shows that i watch are on cable now and include such words as "fuck" (gasp!) and some good old fashioned raunchy sex (not enough gay sex for my liking but hey...you're improving, america!)

i believe it was entertainment weekly, my bible, that said that television is better now than it ever was and that all the new and exciting and innovative stuff is happening on the small screen (which is true...have you seen any movies lately? don't make me barf before breakfast...)

now where was i?

ah yes...myrtle beach south carolina...new television season...anyhoo...i would like to share with you my favorite television shows, in no particular order, that are currently, as of this post, still on the air...here we go...

modern family...

can't wait for this one to return on september the 22nd. this one is my favorite i will say and definitely the best show currently on televion (curse you, fox, for cancelling "arrested development") it's smart, sassy, funny, sweet and totally insane all at the same time...which is not an easy accomplishment at all (i do like to think of myself as being all those things as well...i'm so proud...sniff...) you gotta watch this one, peeps! you won't be sorry!

true blood

ah yes...the vampires and other creatures and critters don't get sexier and the plotlines don't get crazier on this little HBO gem...a favorite topic of conversation of one of my places of employment. and there's plenty of gays to go around. the season finale airs tonight and it promises to be juicy...the only thing i can say to that is PLEASE ERIC...DON'T BE DEAD!!! (<---see? i use caps sometimes! just don't get used to it...)

weeds

craziness incorporated this show is...i don't know what drugs they were taking when they came up with this absolute lunacy, but we need to keep em supplied...this stuff is gold.

desperate housewives

i've been following these broads for quite some time now, through so many murders, infidelities, natural and man-made disasters...and they almost seem like family to me, although maybe not quite as disfunctional...i tell ya...i certainly wouldn't want to live on a place as dangerous as wisteria lane but it sure is fun to watch.

big love

and nothing says crazy quite as nice as old time religion. who'd a thunk that i'd get hooked on a show with a bunch of muderous and backstabbing mormons...

nurse jackie

edie falco is just always fabulous and, in this role as a pill-popping husband-cheating nurse, she really shines...

the united states of tara

again...another incredible talent here in miss toni collette...she makes crazy fun!

...and that's pretty much it methinks as far as the shows i don't wanna miss...I do watch a few other things but i wouldn't say i'm hooked on any of them...i used to watch some reality television but i pretty much got over that, thank heavens...i mean...how many real housewives can we possibly stomach, bravo?

yesh...this still is a lotta junk on tv...but with careful navigation, you might actually find yourself a few gems such as these that just might make you wanna reconsider tossing your television out the window...

happy viewing, folks!!!

welcome to the whispurrverse...

hello there...howdy do?
i am, of course, whispurr, the crazy assed twitter fiend with a whacked out donnie wahlberg crush and a most unusual kim kardashian foot fetish
and i am here today to welcome you to (drumroll, please)...
the whispurrverse!
it's my very own little corner of the planet where i can be just as whispurry as i wanna be and if ya don't like it, ya can kiss my flat patootey...if ya can find it (it's somewhere south of my hopelessly flat chest...but enough with the anantomy lesson already. hell...a GPS system couldn't find my ass)!
but anyhoo...
as you may have already figured out, this is where i get to rant and rave and just kinda dangle out about just about anything and anyone that strikes my fancy...and i don't have to do it in 140 characters or less! ain't life sweet? cause as you may or may not know...i have a lot to say...none of it ever seems to make sense but still...there's a lot to say!
so listen up!
you're probably asking yourself (if you're still awake and not having some lurid porn fantasy) what exactly is the theme of this blog? well...my friend...this is a very good question...and i have a most delicious anwer...
who the fuck knows?
but i do know that i will try to keep it interesting, lively and somewhat naked...but not totally buck naked...nobody wants to see that! and there will be some general themes for the posts that i include here (but i will never...ever limit myself...unless it comes to having sex with a woman...that i just cannot do!) and they will include:
1. a tracking of my twitter exploits
here i will repost some of my craziest tweets and the tweets of those i know and love (and some who i barely tolerate but secretly want to have sex with). this will include a log of my many misadventures with trying to get cdelebrities to tweet me...i have had a feew tweet me back, including donnie wahleberg, my twitter buddy and erstwhile twitter whore (his words, not mine), jonathan r. knight (there was a time he wanted to kick me in the balls...ah...memories...), khloe kardashian (she called me sugar once) and wendy williams (the gum popping talk show host). i get so thrilled when i hear from these folks... i do i do i do...
i'm still working on dozens of other twitter celebs in the hopes of getting them to maybe slap me around a bit too...it's good to have goals, isn't it???
2. pop culture commentary
i consider myself to be somewhat hip to all the pop culture craziness that's going on out there in this world of ours, honey, and you can bet your sweet honey-soaked ass that i'm gonna have an opinion about it.
3. music, movie and book reviews
from time to time, if something hits me in either a most postive or most negative way, i'm gonna wanna let ya talk about it and let ya know...such as avatar, one of the suckiest movies ever (yeah...i said it!) curse you, james cameron, for stealing three hours offa this old man's life with that crap. if i wanted crap thrown at me in 3d, i'd go visit the monkey cage at the local zoo.
4. gay and lesbian issues
because i'm gay...nuff said...and the more of you hot guys reading this who may feel like slumming it from time to time, i wanna make sure ya know that!
5. fiction and poetry
it's what i do, dudes...or at least what i should do...

and there you have it...so much for that!

and now for the rules of this site...
i will seldom, if ever, capitalize anything...
hey! the name is whispurr...so i gotta be just a little bit soft-spoken...
i will be edgy, but never mean spirited...
i like to ruffle feathers, not cut them off...
i definitely encourage feedback!
what good is fine smartassery if it doesn't generate even more fine smartassery?

so there you have it...the first post in the whispurrverse...ain't that just ducky?
i do so look forward to posting here in the future often and i hope you keep checking back on and commenting!
this could get ugly!
take care and blessed be!
mark