Not So Sure

What is this thing
I try to say?
My tongue is tied
Words in the way

Babble, bobble
Such gobbly gook
I shake, shimmy
Look like a mook

Flopsweat erupts
Head is all wet
Not real sexy
That’s a safe bet

Stumble tumble
Look not so cool
Squeaky squawky
Flouncy old fool

You act so nice
I trip about
Say it’s okay
Thinking “get out!”

I say good day
Trip out the door
No I’m not hurt
Hop from the floor

So then I flee
One more lost crush
Knees like jell-o
Mind is like mush

No can’t explain
Odd stuff I do
Crazy I am
Life is a zoo!

Once I Mourned My Lonliness

There was a time

I grieved my loneliness

When I mourned the fact

That I had somehow

In some strange

And bizarre way

Forgotten how to be me

It was a dark time

So many clouds

So many mistakes made

Mistakes that haunt

Mistakes that linger

Like smoke

Seeping into the cracks

Of a wooden wall

That faint stench remains

That was then, though

And that was him

And that was all wrong

A house without love

That invariably fell

Like a stack of cards

That was a long time ago

I have since seen the crossing

Of so many many moons

Across a twinkling night

And I have escaped

To someplace warmer

And someplace sweeter

Where I can hear the waves

Of the cool cool ocean

Rolling in my ears

And I have once more found

My loneliness

Like a comfortable old shoe

I put it back on

And walked back to myself

And I found my spirit intact

Somewhere under the rubble

That was once called “us”

And its heart was still beating

And its soul was alive

And I cleaned it all up

And put it back on

So nice and shiny and squeaky

And it felt good

And it felt right

And it felt like home

A home so far away

From the home I’ve always known

And yet altogether familiar

And I grew up in this place

I learned how to cope

How to properly manage

How to be who I am

Regardless of the tides

That beat against me

Trying to shape me

Into something else

Something I’d never recognize

And never really be…

And I have walked this path alone

Living learning and loving

All the beauty that is

This life here on earth

All the magick that truly exists

And it’s been real

And somewhat complete

Even though deep down

I knew somehow somewhere

There would be another man

This time a better man

A man who understands

What it means to me

A man who wants to enhance me

Rather than change me

A man who wants to love

Rather than control

A man whom I can hold onto

And share all these thoughts

That my crazy brain has to spill forth

A man who could put up with me being me

Just as much as I could put up

With him being him

Have I found this man?

Not yet

but some day I may meet this man

who will totally get me, love me and thrill me

and we will be totally in sync

and I may discover a wonder

I've never known

And it’s a bit scary

And it’s a bit crazy

But oh it would feel so right

Some day I just might

Walk right out of my loneliness

Into something so new

And full of wonder and happiness

And all those other words

That describe the heart lifting

And taking flight

And who knows?

Maybe I’ll find that version of myself

I was always meant to be

Somewhere within

The embracing of him and I

Maybe I’ll finally catch the feeling

Of how it is “meant to be”

How good it can be

How good it will be

We shall see!

I Long To Write A Pretty Poem

I long to write a pretty poem
All filled with flowers, trees and such
And spirits soaring to the sky
One that tells how I feel so much

About life and love and pride and peace
All those things I long to possess
All wrapped in a beautiful bow
To try and disguise all the mess

That comes from life lived on a sleeve
Emotions all laid out so bare
To find someone to hear and care
Is so hard and so very rare

And so I build a great big wall
My own fortress from all the pain
That comes when I do let you in
Maybe you should not come again

Cause crazy comes in just my size
It so fits me like a thick glove
It keeps me in my monkey suit
And it keeps me right out of love

For ice that melts can surely drown
And then take away my last breath
So understand the snow and cold
It’s here to keep me from my death

For when I cut and I feel pain
From spilling forth all of my blood
I try to fly into the sky
But fall face first right in the mud

So I reel back and bid adieu
Into the comfort of my shell
So hard to hear heaven’s sweet harp
When I’m so way bogged down in hell

I long to write a pretty poem
One that will make you want to stay
All my roses have failed to bloom
So I guess I’ll just run away.

more art!

Illusion

Wrapped up in
A powder puff ball
I see the blur
And it makes no sense
At once flying
And yet
Underwater
So small and
Yet enormous
It sings
Without a tune
And words lost
Somewhere along the wind
Only to be heard
In the faintest of echoes
In ears that cannot hear
And its eyes
They are like lights
That strobe through
The night
In search of
Something to spotlight
The latest sensation
The latest person
That nobody really
Wants to know
And yet they know
All too well
For they indeed
Made this person
A shimmering star
Someone to place
Way high upon a pedestal
So that their nose
Can look keenly down at us all
And remind us of all our foibles
As is we really needed to know
Well know this
That the wind
Doesn’t judge quite so harshly, sister
And it can blow you down
Just as easily as any of us little ones
Only thing is…you have longer to fall
And you would make
A much flatter pancake
But that’s okay because
We love pancakes
Smothered in buttery syrup
With some nice cold juice to go with them
Orange grape apple
Or maybe some piping hot coffee
To wake your sorry ass up
And put you on alert
That it is indeed morning
And indeed another day
So you best to be getting your shit together
With your battle armor on
And your sword in check
And be ready to draw blood
Because there’s always blood
In the movies
With heroes and villains
Carefully colored well within the lines
With a nice fresh Crayola
Perhaps if it’s really pretty
Mom will put it
On the refrigerator door
For all to consume
Safely and happily
Without fear of
Actually being nourished
In any real sort of way
Because who really wants that
Because candy is so much better
Especially when fluffed up
Into nice big pink cotton balls
That taste like a cloud from heaven
So much for the real life
Leave me to the illusion.

Sex?

Sex?
Maybe
Oh…with you?
I need a drink
Maybe five or six
Yes…and then we can talk
So like…how are you doing?
I am fine…just a tad tipsy…
Don’t you look yummy in that there suit?
I could just gobble you up there, honey…
Can I remove your pants with my teeth?
I wonder what’s way down in here?
Shall I give it a big honk?
You’re looking handsome now
And I feel dizzy
So lightheaded
May pass out
Bye bye
Sucks!

You Get Me

I’m not easily wanted
I’m not that easily got
I’m not good at pretending
I’m something that I’m just not
I’m not good at relating
No I don’t say quite a lot
But, boy, if you would have me
Damn sure would give it a shot!

The countless conversations
Into the hours of the night
Such grand illuminations
When I’m letting in your light
Something deep down it tells me
My God you just feel so right
Amazed by your sensations
Oh you burn in me so bright!

Our words all blend together
On a canvas broad and wide
Many colors revealing
All these feelings once inside
No need to build the walls up
No need to run and then hide
Just grab on tight onto you
And enjoy this thrilling ride!

To say that I am smitten
May sound a bit quaint and old
But when your heart does touch me
It makes me so young and bold
We’re like some new found heroes
From those tales so often told
We carve our dreams from silver
And then dust them off with gold!

Eyes closed I dream upon you
And those inhibitions fade
I know nothing’s a sure thing
But I think we’ve got it made
For one like you is priceless
No not for sale or for trade
You’re tattooed in my soul now
And those things they never fade!